Cultivating Self-Reflection as a Habit

 

Have you ever thought about your thoughts? Have you analyzed your habits, behavior, beliefs? Have you been looking for the reason for all this? If so, consciously or not, you have been engaging in self-reflection. This is a very important process, skillful mastery of which will allow you to become, if not an outstanding person, then a very significant one.

According to Wikipedia, self-reflection in psychology is a person’s attention to himself and his consciousness, in particular, to the products of his own activity, as well as some kind of rethinking of them. Simply put, this is a person’s reflection aimed at considering and analyzing himself, his own states, actions and past events.

In philosophy, self-reflection is understood somewhat differently. This is a form of human mental activity aimed at understanding one’s actions, the entire human culture, its foundations.

An example of self-reflection: Raskolnikov’s thoughts about himself, his meaning and actions in Dostoevsky’s novel “Crime and Punishment.”

“But I talk too much. That's why I don't do anything, because I chat. Perhaps, however, it’s like this: that’s why I’m chatting because I’m not doing anything. It was in this last month that I learned to chat, lying around all day and chatting... about King Pea. Well, why am I going now? Am I capable of this? Is this serious? Not serious at all. So, for the sake of fantasy, I amuse myself.”

It should be said right away that you need to engage in self-reflection carefully and periodically you should take a break from it. Trying too hard to understand yourself can ultimately lead to schizophrenia. On the other hand, those who do not try to know themselves at all make the same mistakes every day and cannot achieve their goals, which can also lead to various types of mental illness. In general, the main thing is moderation.

The Benefits of Self-Reflection

So what is it about this self-reflection that there is so much talk about it? Here are just some examples of what you can do with it:

• Learn about your mistakes, failures and experiences.
• Clarify your values ​​and priorities.
• Identify your strengths and weaknesses.
• Get rid of emotional attachment to things and events. And also to people, if they are unworthy.
• Learn to make better decisions.
• Remove internal obstacles that hold you back from achieving your goals.
• Examine your habitual patterns of behavior, especially destructive ones.
• Learn to use intuition.
• Uncover secret dreams and aspirations.
• Realize your full potential.
• Learn to understand people.
• Learn to identify potential problems early.
• Get rid of reactive thinking.
• Change your character for the better.

Of course, if you manage to achieve anything from this list, it will increase your self-confidence and raise your self-esteem. It sounds like a fairy tale, but you just need to immediately note that this is an eternal process.

You can realize your potential or learn to make great decisions, but it takes a lot of work. And even after several decades, gaps in knowledge and understanding will remain. Teach yourself that this is a lifelong learning experience.

If you manage to get rid of, for example, reactive thinking, this will bring with it a number of additional benefits: you will stop complaining, being offended, reacting impulsively to your interlocutor’s phrases, buying unnecessary products on sale, and much more.

Journal exercises

A journal is the best tool for self-reflection. Therefore, first of all, you need to purchase it, or better yet several, for different purposes.

It should be said right away that self-reflection has no purpose as such. Of course, it is necessary to know yourself, but this process will continue until the end of a person’s life. Therefore, the essence is in the process. You simply study your personality and draw certain conclusions that help in various situations. After a while, you return to the diary again and rethink your actions. And so on ad infinitum.

As we have already said, it is important to enjoy the process of knowing yourself , and not be afraid of it. And if you don't know what to write about (it's mostly about fear), here are some good tips.

• My perfect day.
• Three unforgettable moments in my life.
• Write about tonight's dinner after it happens (a three-page essay, so you have to remember every little detail, every feeling, every action).
• A list of one hundred things that bring me joy.
• A list of a hundred things that upset me.
• I can't imagine my life without...
• Write about a time when you realized that work was truly enjoyable.
• Using ten words, describe yourself.
• I don't need any extra motivation or enthusiasm to...
• Compile a list of things, events, and people that ignite inspiration within you.
• I feel happiest when...

Diary Questions

Questions are the main material for a person who engages in self-reflection. They are the fuel for self-discovery. If you don't know what to ask yourself, here's a list that will last you for several months (or a month if you have enough time):

• Am I using my time correctly?
• Do I take many positive events in my life for granted?
• What am I deceiving myself about?
• Do I wake up in the morning ready for exploits? If not, why not?
• What negative thoughts come to me when I'm trying to sleep? What to do about it?
• Can I resolve my internal problems that cause stress?
• Who am I really?
• What worries me most when I think about the future? Why?
• If this were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?
• What am I really afraid of?
• Am I holding on to something that needs to be let go?
• What is the most important thing in my life?
• Do I matter?
• Did I make anyone smile today?
• When was the most recent instance that I ventured beyond my comfort zone?
• What act of kindness towards me has stuck with me for the rest of my life? Why him?
• How should I live knowing that I will die?
• How can I improve myself?
• Who has exerted the most significant influence on my life?
• What has had the greatest impact on my life?
• What do I want most in life?
• To what extent do I control my life?

Breaking self-reflection into components

You will answer questions again, only now we will sort them into groups. If the previous exercises were needed for a comprehensive understanding of yourself, then the next one will help you hit certain points.

At the end of the day

• How was my day?
• What exactly happened?
• What good happened?
• What do I value that happened today?
• What do I regret?
• Why do I feel this way?
• What important insights can I glean from this experience?

Decisions made

• What specific decisions did I make today?
• What were my intentions behind these decisions?
• Why did I make these decisions and not others?
• What results did these decisions lead to?
• Are they positive or negative? Why?
• What important insights can I glean from this experience?

Actions and behavior

• What key actions did I take today?
• How effective were they?
• Did my fears influence my actions and behavior? How? What fears exactly?
• Did I indulge my addictions today? Why?
• What exactly did I accomplish today?
• What didn't work? Why?
• What important insights can I glean from this experience?

Thinking process

• What thoughts crossed my mind most often today? Why?
• Did I control them or let them take their course?
• Was my thinking optimal? If not, what should I do tomorrow?
• How could one think differently about today's situation?
• What benefits will I get if I start thinking about my problems differently?
• What important insights can I glean from this experience?

Experienced emotions

• What emotions did I experience during the day? Why did it happen?
• What events, circumstances, and people contributed to these emotions?
• How did I cope with my emotional experiences?
• Did I deal with them in a helpful way (meditation) or a harmful way (smoking)?
• How can I learn to manage my emotions more effectively?
• What important insights can I glean from this experience?

Belief system

• What do I believe today?
• What do I believe about myself, other people, and the events of the day?
• Are these beliefs justified?
• In what situations am I inclined to jump to conclusions?
• What positive beliefs influenced me throughout the day?
• What limiting beliefs were holding me back?
• What valuable information can I gain about myself given my belief system?

Relationships with people

• How did I behave and interact with other people today?
• Did I have any conflicts ?
• How did I deal with them?
• How did I respond to criticism or rejection?
• How did I get my point across to other people today?
• How effectively did I do this?
• How effectively did I read other people's emotional needs and intentions?
• What aspects of communication do I need to improve on?

Attitude

• What is my attitude today?
• Was it more optimistic or pessimistic today? Why?
• What specifically influenced me today? What exactly is the trigger?
• Was this trigger internal or external?
• Did I do the best I could today? Why?
• Was I reasonable, kind and humble today?
• What important insights can I glean from this experience?

Problems

• What challenges stood in my way today?
• How did I respond to these challenges?
• What was the result?
• What exactly did I do that helped me overcome my problems?
• What about the problems I haven't overcome? Why did this happen?
• Have I made any excuses for myself today? Why?
• Why were these problems so difficult to overcome today? Is it my psyche or my knowledge?
• What valuable lessons did I learn today as I tried to cope with my challenges?

Roles played

• What kind of parent, sister, teacher, friend, mentor, spouse, leader, teammate, manager, son, etc. have I been?
• Where did I meet my expectations?
• Where have I failed to live up to the standards I hold myself to in each of these roles?
• Was my day balanced (work-life)? If not, why not?
• What value can I gain from all this thinking?

Health

• Did I take care of my body today?
• Did I exercise? I did sports?
• Did I eat healthy food?
• Have I been watching my thoughts?
• At what points did I let myself down?
• In what components can I improve myself tomorrow?

Possibilities

• What opportunities did I get today?
• How did I take advantage of these opportunities?
• Why couldn't I take full advantage of my opportunities?
• What valuable lessons can I learn from this experience?

Received knowledge

• What valuable knowledge did I gain today?
• What do I remember about the book or information I read today?
• How can I use today's knowledge tomorrow?
• What knowledge am I still missing?
• How can I acquire this knowledge?

As you can see, you can ask yourself a huge number of questions. The ability to come up with them is limited solely by the limits of your imagination.

The more often you ask yourself questions and answer them, the sooner you will find that you have gained deeper knowledge not only about yourself, but also about the psyche of other people.

The Next Level of Self-Reflection

Above we asked ourselves about how the day went, what thoughts and reactions arose. However, to move to a higher level, one more step is needed.

You need to consider the true value of the lessons you have learned from your experiences. In other words, you need to put a magnifying glass on each of the answers and dig even deeper.

Let us first review the events and circumstances of the day and think deeply about what happened. To accomplish this, address the following inquiries:

• Do I see what is happening clearly?
• Are the situations as I see them or could they be different?
• How might other people view these situations?
• How else can I view the events, people and circumstances of today?

Now let's look at cause-and-effect relationships and learn how to find any patterns. Ask yourself:

• What exactly did I do during the day?
• What was the direct result of each decision I made?
• Why was this the result and not another?
• Could I attract all these people and circumstances into my life through my thoughts, beliefs and behavior? If they had been different, then I would have been surrounded by different people and would have found myself in different circumstances?
• What cause-and-effect relationships do I see now?
• What conclusion can I draw from all this that will help me in the future?

The final question above talks about the lessons and conclusions that can be learned. This is what we will do now. Ask yourself:

• What did I learn today?
• What exactly did I learn about myself today?
• What have I learned about my problems and interactions with others?
• What have I learned about people?
• What have other people taught me through their behavior, words, and actions? What was taught indirectly?
• In what ways have I grown as a person today?
• What significance does this level of growth hold for me?
• If I got another chance, what would I do differently?

As we learn the lessons of the past, it is important to also cast our nets into the future. You need to learn to plan and prepare for the problems that are probably waiting around the corner. After all, this is the only chance to make progress. Ask yourself:

• How can I adjust my thinking and psyche in such a way as to devote tomorrow to my goal and not be distracted by unnecessary things?
• How can I express my values ​​tomorrow?
• What skills should I learn and what information should I get?
• What specific knowledge do I need to get significantly closer to my desired goals and objectives?
• How can I obtain this knowledge?
• Who could support me during this journey?
• How can I get support from other people?
• What do I need to get rid of today to gain an advantage for tomorrow?

By carefully analyzing and answering the questions, you will have a solid platform that you may need to progress tomorrow. From now on, you will no longer make excuses and complain about your life. Instead, you realize that you are in complete control of yourself, that you are an active rather than passive participant in events, and that you can directly influence your destiny and success.

What to do next? The process of self-reflection goes hand in hand with mindfulness and introspection. Therefore, if you are alert to what's going on inside and outside, you can gather incredibly valuable information that you can then use to answer questions. 

In addition, your memory and concentration will improve because they are closely related to attention. We advise you to purposefully engage in self-reflection for 10-15 minutes a day, in the morning or evening. And, if possible, remain aware for as long as possible.

Books

A huge number of books, especially fiction, are filled with reflections of the author or characters. This means that we need to choose the most representative ones, which is what we tried to do.

Remember that you should be careful when engaging in self-reflection so as not to focus solely on yourself. The world around us is also interesting and beautiful. And second: this is an eternal process, so learn to get sincere pleasure from knowing yourself.

We wish you good luck!